I've struggled to write this. It should be so much better. However I need to get it out one way or another.
Oct. 1st begins Domestic Violence Awareness Month and today I want to tell you about my friend Jenifer.
Jenifer, Nicole, and I met in high school and were instant friends. We had a lot in common. Our first babies were born a couple weeks apart. All boys. We were extremely close through some very tumultuous young adult years. Breakups, marriage, more children, new jobs. Everything.
Jenifer started dating Steven and it seemed they were serious very early on. She fell for him quickly. Eventually, though, he became violent and the classic cycle of abuse, apology, honeymoon, tension, abuse began and lasted for a couple years. She left. She reported. She got protection orders. He would manipulate his way back in. He would threaten her children. Threaten her family. Sometimes he was just extremely charming. Other times she felt guilty. She did love him after all. In the end, she just felt trapped. Finally, she found a way to break the cycle and left for good.
It had been months and they both moved on. Steven was dating someone. Jenifer was dating a police officer and was happy to see what a healthy relationship actually looked like. I remember her saying that it seemed like life was looking too good to be true. It was as if her words found Steven's ears and he started calling again. Showing up wherever she was. Begging her to come back. Threatening her if she didn't come back. She resisted.
When Nicole gave birth to twins, Jenifer and I met at the hospital to be with her. When Jenifer walked into the hospital room she told us she thought Steven followed her to the hospital. We stayed as long as we could hoping he’d leave. I walked her to her car and got in with her to talk. We heard tires peeling and a car sped into the hospital parking garage blocking us in. Steven got out of the car and reached through her open driver’s side window trying to pull her out of the car. I held my phone low next to my seat and dialed 911. He saw my phone light up in the dark car. He grabbed her purse and cell phone, got back in his car and drove off. The police arrived and she filed a report. I followed her home where her brother met her and stayed with her. She replaced her phone and he called hundreds of times. He ran her new boyfriend and her off the road and tried to take her out of the car again. There was a warrant out for his arrest for attempted kidnapping. He kept calling.
Jenifer was on the phone with Nicole in her bedroom when Steve came to her bedroom window and she hung up the phone. Nicole called back and Jenifer’s four year old son answered and told Nicole "Mommy went out the window." She'd left her purse and car keys.
Two days later her body was found by a school bus driver in a field. She’d been raped and shot five times. She was 24 years old.
Steven is in prison for life without the possibility of parole. Nicole and I both testified multiple times in his trial which was moved to another county and dragged on for two years.
Today marks 16 years since her death. Since she was robbed of raising her children. Robbed of watching them grow to be brilliant young men. Of the life she was building for herself after finally having the courage to leave.
People who've never been involved in an abusive relationship have questions, advice and opinions on what women like Jenifer should have done differently. Yet, even when abused women do everything society and the law tells them, some still end up murdered by someone who claims to love them. I have no answers. There is no cure I can raise money for. Wearing purple in October doesn't bring Jenifer back. But, supporting local shelters and programs that assist women like her to start over and stay safe may help someone like Jenifer.
Oct. 1st begins Domestic Violence Awareness Month and today I want to tell you about my friend Jenifer.
Jenifer, Nicole, and I met in high school and were instant friends. We had a lot in common. Our first babies were born a couple weeks apart. All boys. We were extremely close through some very tumultuous young adult years. Breakups, marriage, more children, new jobs. Everything.
Jenifer started dating Steven and it seemed they were serious very early on. She fell for him quickly. Eventually, though, he became violent and the classic cycle of abuse, apology, honeymoon, tension, abuse began and lasted for a couple years. She left. She reported. She got protection orders. He would manipulate his way back in. He would threaten her children. Threaten her family. Sometimes he was just extremely charming. Other times she felt guilty. She did love him after all. In the end, she just felt trapped. Finally, she found a way to break the cycle and left for good.
It had been months and they both moved on. Steven was dating someone. Jenifer was dating a police officer and was happy to see what a healthy relationship actually looked like. I remember her saying that it seemed like life was looking too good to be true. It was as if her words found Steven's ears and he started calling again. Showing up wherever she was. Begging her to come back. Threatening her if she didn't come back. She resisted.
When Nicole gave birth to twins, Jenifer and I met at the hospital to be with her. When Jenifer walked into the hospital room she told us she thought Steven followed her to the hospital. We stayed as long as we could hoping he’d leave. I walked her to her car and got in with her to talk. We heard tires peeling and a car sped into the hospital parking garage blocking us in. Steven got out of the car and reached through her open driver’s side window trying to pull her out of the car. I held my phone low next to my seat and dialed 911. He saw my phone light up in the dark car. He grabbed her purse and cell phone, got back in his car and drove off. The police arrived and she filed a report. I followed her home where her brother met her and stayed with her. She replaced her phone and he called hundreds of times. He ran her new boyfriend and her off the road and tried to take her out of the car again. There was a warrant out for his arrest for attempted kidnapping. He kept calling.
Jenifer was on the phone with Nicole in her bedroom when Steve came to her bedroom window and she hung up the phone. Nicole called back and Jenifer’s four year old son answered and told Nicole "Mommy went out the window." She'd left her purse and car keys.
Two days later her body was found by a school bus driver in a field. She’d been raped and shot five times. She was 24 years old.
Steven is in prison for life without the possibility of parole. Nicole and I both testified multiple times in his trial which was moved to another county and dragged on for two years.
Today marks 16 years since her death. Since she was robbed of raising her children. Robbed of watching them grow to be brilliant young men. Of the life she was building for herself after finally having the courage to leave.
People who've never been involved in an abusive relationship have questions, advice and opinions on what women like Jenifer should have done differently. Yet, even when abused women do everything society and the law tells them, some still end up murdered by someone who claims to love them. I have no answers. There is no cure I can raise money for. Wearing purple in October doesn't bring Jenifer back. But, supporting local shelters and programs that assist women like her to start over and stay safe may help someone like Jenifer.
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